Above and Beyond

Yesterday I had to take off work early to deliver Sol the dog to the vet.  I felt guilty about not going back, so I did a little work from home.  I’ve been trying to persuade my boss to buy me a piece of software that could greatly improve our product and our understanding of it’s performance, of which we now have no data.  I used an ‘educational’ version to demonstrate the type of analysis that I and the software were capable of.

He was very interested and talked to me about it first thing today.  He knows more or less where it came from, although he didn’t ask.  He knows that this is what I’ve been asking for all along and he didn’t even mention the software when discussing the analysis I did with it.  But now he wants me to send the results to our colleagues overseas to demonstrate the type and depth of engineering analysis we do.  Now I’m starting to have real problems with this on a moral (strange, I know) and personal level.  Not to mention the illegalities of the situation, I’m pissed that my ‘above and beyond’ to demonstrate the tools I need seemingly has no effect.  I can’t use any of the valuable results in my analysis.  I’m starting to think that I’m just a warm body with a degree.

I’m tired of asking what I’m supposed to be working on.  I’m tired of trying to find the things I’m supposed to be doing.  Now I just deliver what I’m told and no more.  I hate working at partial capacity.  I would rather have the tools I need to do the job I know we can and should be doing than get a raise.

I’ve felt this way at nearly every job I’ve had.  I don’t know if it’s just my impatience, a symptom of the times, or the bloat of corporations, but it’s got me heading in a direction that becomes more clear all the time.  I have to work for myself.  I know I can do so much more but I’m always being held back by one thing or another.  However, I have huge reservations about starting my own business.  I want to be able to continue to do engineering and not just focus on management and getting enough business to survive the next month, quarter, or year.

Maybe there isn’t a way to get all the things I want, but there’s no reason I can see that it should be this way.  I’m willing to work hard.  I have valuable skills.

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~ by spacemanalpha on July 30, 2009.

2 Responses to “Above and Beyond”

  1. Alpha, while you are receiving steady income from your job at “Initech” you should see if you can get some side work. If you prove your quality and worth ethic to yourself and clients you may position yourself to become a sub-contractor with steady work. Keep in mind you may not want the work to be in conflict with your current employer (fine print in employee manual etc.)
    I give you credit for attempting to go out on your own. I don’t think I can do it. There are many advantages and disadvantages, but I think you are smart enough to take it one step at a time.

    • Hey, thanks for the kind words. I think you’re right on in you analysis. I’m definitely not concerned with competing with my “Initech”, so that’s one less thing. I need to take some small steps, get a tax ID, bank account, etc. Once that is in place, I think it can grow at it’s own pace.

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